Please disable your Ad Blocker to better interact with this website.

Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image
Scroll to top


No Comments

Shoveling “Global Warming” off the Driveway

Leslie Brown

Being that we had about the coldest winter on record, the flippin’ GREAT LAKES froze over, and the term “Polar Vortex” was coined, I thought I would share my insight on global warming.

Even you public schoolers probably have heard of the “Ice Age”. What? No? A Disney movie? Yes it is that too. Well long ago there was an Ice Age. Somehow it thawed out or we would still be in it. You with me?

What exactly caused temperatures to raise and end said Ice Age? I thought only greedy, meany-pants, capitalists, industrialists were capable of spewing enough pollution to “seal in the heat” around our planet much like a Reynold’s oven bag in which one can bake a quite moist turkey. The only problem is, is that those greedy, meany-pants, capitalists and industrialists weren’t around then. Could it be that temperatures are somewhat cyclical like the seasons, circadian rhythms, lunar cycles, flooding, and women’s well, you know.

Also, every good scientist knows one must have a CONTROL for one’s experiment, and since there isn’t another planet Earth lying around untouched by evil, planet-pillaging humans for comparative purposes, where do we get off throwing literally billions of dollars towards something that may be perfectly natural. Additionally, there is no way to test the hypothesis of “global warming”.

We have gone from worshipping the Creator to worshiping the creation. It’s bass-ackwards I tell you. There are two kinds of people in this world; those who believe in G-d and those who don’t. I personally am the former. In my opinion the ones who don’t believe in G-d are kinda like the adult version of the kids that said “You’re not the boss of me!” and “Get off of my property!” (Side note: remember as a kid when “property” was a big legalese term sorta like habeas corpus or quid pro quo?) Guess what? The property wasn’t yours then and it’s really not yours now? Ya’ ever see a hearse with a U-Haul? Go ahead, knock yourself out (not to mention probably UP) with no rules or moral absolutes. Think: Spring Break at Padre Island.

If one does not believe in the Creator Mr. MS. or Mrs. Smarty Pants, tell me, how did life begin? The first Law of Thermodynamics states that, energy can neither be created nor destroyed. The second is that matter left to itself tends towards disorder or entropy. Case in point: Do abandoned homes turn into multi-storied condos with underground parking and a workout facility? Do the items in a fridge assemble themselves into a nicoise salad with a light vinaigrette? Of course not!

I love “getting into it” with heads-full-of-mush-liberal-arts-majors on Twitter about global warming who say something like, “It’s science, check in to it”. Um, I have.

Posting Policy

We have no tolerance for comments containing violence, racism, vulgarity, profanity, all caps, or discourteous behavior. Thank you for partnering with us to maintain a courteous and useful public environment where we can engage in reasonable discourse. Read more.